Discipleship On The Path

The scheduled medical appointment was a routine annual screening. With earlier such procedures I had been in an out in an hour and off to attend the rest of the day’s calendar. When the radiologist interpreting the x-rays asked me to stay longer for some additional testing I still expected to be discharged very soon. After the additional testing I knew something was seriously wrong when the physician explained with concern that the testing had identified and confirmed a mass that was likely a tumor. She referred me to a surgeon as soon as possible, emphasizing urgency by pointing out that on a probability scale of one to five for diagnosing cancer my score was four.

I was stunned as I made my way home. Gradually this awareness emerged: although the doctor had offered a probable diagnosis, I was hesitant to assent to this condition by naming it. To name something is to give it power. I asked the Holy Spirit: “Lord, what do I call this?” The reply was as immediate as it was quiet, still and brief. He said:  “It’s a suspicion.”

While I knew what a “suspicion” was, this deserved digging deep into the meaning to grasp all that God might be saying. I went to the dictionary to learn that to suspect something meant to incline toward it. I had just begun to ponder that when quickly my worshiper’s heart and mind deduced: to incline is to bow, to bow is to worship. And with that I heard the Holy Spirit say clearly and emphatically to my spirit: “Refuse to bow!”

My Lord was saying: do not worship there. It is noteworthy: He did not say the diagnosis was incorrect nor did He speak words of reassurance. “Refuse to bow.”

I believed Wisdom was leading me to follow up the referral by consulting a surgeon and I did so. Although after her examination the surgery was scheduled, she was more reassuring that my probability for cancer might not be as high as first assessed. I was eager to embrace relief yet I distinctly experienced a hesitation in my spirit about the improved prognosis.  Was it premature, a deception to detour off His path?

When I reached the car before driving home I paused and asked: “Lord, why was there a check in my spirit about feeling relieved? Why can’t I embrace and enjoy the encouragement I experienced with the surgeon’s assessment? “His reply was equally as clear and emphatic as before, though unexpected. He said: “Don’t bow to the doctor either!” 

In the days to follow there were many challenges along the way. For example, the surgery was scheduled on the very day of the first year anniversary of my brother’s funeral. He had died of cancer and other complications at age fifty-two, which was my current age as well. I kept on believing that before the surgery the pre-operative x-rays would in fact reveal that the mass was super naturally gone. They did not. This was not going to disappear, the day of the surgery and the biopsy was approaching.

He gave me Psalm 112:7- 8 to be a lamp and a light to my feet on the path of walking this out.

LAMP: “He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is firmly fixed, trusting (leaning on and being confident) in the Lord. His heart is established and steady, he will not be afraid while he waits to see his desire established upon his adversaries.” Psalm 112:7- 8

After hearing the testimony of my challenge and request for prayer, a member of my church community suggested that I consider praying with the doctors before the procedure. Hmm… to pray is to bow, to bow is to worship.

My heart was inclined to praying before the procedures so I inquired of the Lord: “How, Lord, would I initiate prayer? I do not want to be awkward or religious, but authentic, from the heart.” 

His answer came to me as a simple yet profound phrase: “I want to acknowledge the presence of the Lord.” Hmm… yes, I truly did. 

Acknowledging His presence was God honoring, worshipful, and my entrance to the invitation: “May we pray together before the procedure?” Likewise inviting each medical professional to acknowledge His presence through prayer was an invitation to them to choose to bow and worship Him together with me.

I expressed my heart to those attending me saying: “I want to acknowledge the presence of God.” To my delight the x-ray technician, the radiologist, the anesthesiologist, and the surgeon, all were open and responsive. Together we worshipfully chose to bow and acknowledge the presence of the Lord in prayer. 

This vignette is about the discipleship of the life of worship in the midst of the routine and the unexpected. As this experience unfolded what I came to understand was that this experience of discipleship was not primarily about the “suspicion,” its diagnosis and treatment but about who would I worship?

The path of the life of worship is a path of yieldedness to God. The discipleship of choosing to bow and refusing to bow are functions of relationship with God. Along this pathway your choices to choose to bow or refuse to bow determine who you worship. Who you worship determines whose true disciple you are.

Please note: Give honor where honor is due. This vignette is not to be misunderstood or misappropriated as disregard for valued medical diagnosis and treatment; rather, we express sincere appreciation for the medical personnel who serve. [Romans 13:7]